“I can’t do it.”
“I’m not strong enough.”
“This is going to break me.”
These are statements, more so objections, often heard against the suggestion of getting sober. By the time we hit what many call “bottom,” we are spiritually broken. Perhaps, we are like a bucket full of mosaic pieces trying to compensate for what they could be as a whole. We might be more like a mirror, cracked and broken into a thousand pieces, fragile and vulnerable. Any sudden move could result in all the pieces falling off.
Mistakenly, we find comfort in the last semblance of strength that we have. Without being completely broken apart, we assume, we still have something. Inherently, there is a fine spiritual line which differentiates brokenness from brokenness. A broken ego and a broken soul or two different things. Our choice lies in identifying which state we are in, then choosing to be broken entirely.
What does this mean?
Consider a man with one broken leg. Out of ego, he may defiantly choose to keep walking. After all, only one of his legs is broken. Then, he finds his other leg gets broken. Could he continue walking? It would certainly seem silly at the least for him to attempt to do so. Should he find a way to walk, he might try to hobble along on two broken legs. However, if he resigns his broken ego and resolves to his broken soul, he might let actual healing occur.
The longer we walk on our wounds, the deeper the pain becomes. Staying in the ego place of what we still have prevents us from allowing the healing which opens potential to what we might have. When it comes to recovery from drugs and alcohol addiction, we might know a freedom, serenity, happiness, and peace like never before. Yet, if we continue staying in the ego of how bad it hasn’t gotten, we might never find out. We have to be willing to be undone, and then put back together through faith and trust in God.
As you put your total trust in God through the pain, you will come out stronger and fortified with a God-centered confidence. Confidence is not something that can be learned like a set of rules; confidence is a state of mind that has to be worked on every day. Replacing ego-confidence with God-confidence results in spiritual reparation.
Cynthia Hakutangwi writes that “more than anything, it is important for individuals who have gone through painful violation to forgive themselves and accept that there is a new covenant of grace that brings restoration and glistening beauty in that place of brokenness in spirit of the cause of their brokenness.” She continues, “confidence comes from…belief in what God has created you to be.”